everyday life

Isn´t it wonderful?

After a long time of living, thinking, feeling, here is a restart again.

I wanted to find the posts I wrote already, but it was impossible. So I decided to see me as a person who makes all the faults which are possible. It is so.

I had been at the Berlinale (february) and only one film is still in my head: Wu Tu (My Land). The film is made in China in 2015. The director is Fan Jian who is also the man behind the camera. It is the story of two activists who live in resistance to a social and political system. They give support to landworkers who are wandering from one place to another to find a job. The film shows how the activists fight against the social system which tries to frighten them by cutting electricity and water. But they don’t give up. On the place where they live investors plan to build high buildings for wealthy people.

There is one scene in the movie which touches me most: The couple together with friends deals with the constant harassment by the bureaucracy. The do it by role playing. While they are taking the roles of the bureaucrats, exaggerating their behavior, their gestures and voices,  they free themselves by mocking at their opponents.

Only one film! Can it be that it is mostly the athmosphere in the Berlinale cinemas which is enjoying? The impression of glamour while the wheather around the cinemas is unfriendly, cold and rainy? The magnificant golden ball on the screen which bursts out into stars, millions of them, accompanied by a powerful music?

My husband says: You should have gone into the right movies.


everyday life

Being at the Berlinale

I know that I will be disappointed from about half of the films I have choosen. It has to do with difficulties of getting Tickets. I decided not to stand in line at one of the ticket counters but to buy them  online. The First Time in my life and therefore a challenge. Everything was new for me in this sphere and everything what could fail did fail. Films, I wanted to see were either not

available online or were already sold out. (Movies in the competition. Or movies with famous actors). Ouch! Before I became too frustrated, I changed my procedure: I was looking for my free days and chose  one or two films in these days, not really looking  for the content.  But there was my conviction that there could be no real flop. This procedure took a lot of time. Next: before I could book a ticket, I had to create a account, but not on the app „Berlinale“. It took time again. At the end with the right account and a lot of possibilities I booked tickets like a maniac, click, click and click. I decided for the culinary cinema – a film with dinner afterwards. You could choose your own place. I clicked several times at a place near the screen, grey dots, but the procedure didn´t move on. Only 5 red Spots were seen, but I did not want to sit so far from the screen, and I decided to try it next day again. Sometimes wisdom comes overnight: The red dots were the only seats still available and they were sold out the next mornin! Ouch again.

To make it short now: I managed to book 10 films. And I managed to load the tickets down and stored all 10 tickets in an app on my iphone. It took me several telephonecalls and a lot of excitement, but at the end I was very, very satisfied if not proud.

In my next post I will tell you more about the films I saw – some brilliant among them.




One step in the right direction

My one year adventure in Berlin arouses a lot of doubts which I never expected. When I was young I thought to be a calm and wise person in the age of 70. No doubts, no problems any more. Instead knowing what you want, having a clear and steady perception of the world and other people. 

But now I learn that I am a person with stop and go, stop and go. How can I explain it? 

My husband and I thought it would be a good idea (and maybe a little bit of an adventure) when we – each of us – in our age (70+) have more time for ourselves. The promise was to live more in the own rhythm. For example: I love to go to movies, but with him on my side I often do not realize my plans. Instead we are sitting together at home, watching tv. He loves documentary, especially about historical themes. I join him in this interest, but it was not what I originally planned to do. The difficulty for me is that the list with not-realizing-wishful-events becomes longer and longer. And as I have a good memory I do not forget this list. 

As we are now living most of the week separated I do not feel prevented from my interests any more. These are the good news. But! I now have to struggle with the huge amount of possibilities here in Berlin. The Berlinale (one of the most popular filmfestivals in the world) starts on tuesday. A handful of interesting lectures in the IPU (International Psychoanalytical University)  are in these days. A friend of mine from Jerusalem is coming for three days. I have to make a contact with a support-number for my computer. This is a great pressure, really. I hate to be dependant from these people who will help me with my problem. And I have a pressure to work on a project: I will discuss the film  „People on Sunday“ in my cinema at home next autumn. (Billy Wilder´s debut as screenwriter, from 1930, one of the last silent movie). There is nothing spectacular in it, so it is a real challenge to write a good paper. 

When I see what I have just written, it seems to me complaining on a high level. And I do not really understand which problem I have! Such a thick bunch of interesting possibilities!

And I have to add another project. I started to get a contact with students who work here in Berlin with refugees. I am choosen as a supervisor for their work. In the moment it is difficult to get the little group together and find an appropriate frame for the work.

I want to thank the bloggers who showed interest in my posts. Young people with a fresh spirit. I am in raptures  (I have this expression from the dictionary, it sounds strange for my german ears.) about their attitude in writing. 

And especially a big thank you to DaisyWillows who asked directly: is everything okay with you? I hope to be back really now, and that is your merit. 


my Berlin Beat, part two

an uncontrolled gesture with my hand – and the last post disappeared into the public. 

I have to add, that it is an interesting idea, to choose an event in the past which I would like to take part in as an observer. I will suggest it for the daily post.

To finish this „berlin beat“ post, I will only name some other events in this week: a visit in the „Tierpark“, (that is the old zoo in former east germany), to watch the newborn  rhinoceros unicornis, … what is the word in english? It is in the house where the elephants live. A two-day seminar in the jewish museum about Hanna Ahrendt. A visit in the bakery of Jo, who is one of the men with whom I was hiking last april in the occupied territories in Israel. 


My Berlin beat

One of the challenges waiting for me during my 1-year-time in Berlin is how do I come along with all the seductions, interests, possibilities and  „duties“ (self chosen). My plans are to take care of my 10 year old granddaughter from time  to time. The  other thing is that I  want to write – biographical stories, short stories. Then I have to think how and when I will move and train my body, my legs, my  breath, in short: how to live healthy. And than,  only for pleasure with no demand  I want to go to the cinema as  often as possible. As I write this I have the impression of a huge programm in Berlin. The circumstances are not so good, because I have a strong tendency to be a couch-potatoe. I would love to lay on the sofa and read or watching tv.  I do not have a sofa in my small appartment in Berlin and I decided not to buy one because of the small space I live in and because the integration of a sofa, which would be possible, would change the aesthetic in the room. I am  not ready for this, now.

My plans and my character – how does this fit together? Listen, I will tell you in short about one week. First of all, instead of picking up Claire, my 10-year-old granddaughter from  school , I went to the  Gendarmenmarkt in midth of Berlin and there into the Concert Hall where she and her chorus had the full rehearsel for the christmas concert. I managed to go in, although only people from the  staff were aloud and listened to the music and the singing. Wonderful, simply  wonderful  to see the kids on the stage with this inspiring and motivating conductor, who successfully tried to bring out the best of the singers. After two hours we went to the christmasmarket  around the corner , watching,  eating, drinking and speaking of wishes we have for christmas. Then I brought her home. This was not so nice, her father was in stress, because there were       a lot of  things „to do“: practising, mathematics for school, training cello for her concert next week. „Why do I have to learn mathematics, it is boring and I want to be an actress or a singer when I am older. I do not need mathematics“.   I am occupied with this problem the evening and even next morning thinking about a possibility to bring her in contact with mathematics.

I am reading a book „The street“  from McCormack and I am fascinated. I see in the newspaper that in a cinema I do not know yet a movie is running, only one night, about which I heard as a masterpiece from A. German a russian filmdirector. „It is difficult to be a god“. Why not? The dystopie of the book might fit to the dystopie of the film, but it runs three hours, in russian with undertitles. It is dark when I go out, not so pleasant in this big city and the aerea of the cinema is dark, too. A little bit away from main streets, I do not  feel very  comfortable.

The three hours were an impressive event: pure middle age, raw and full of violence,  with no culture. The idea of the film is brilliant in my eyes: A handful scientists travel to another planet, where people live still in the middle-age. They have the task to observe how the „Renaissance“ emerge from this old-fashioned society. (This could be the task for the daily post to

Back home the  finishing of the book is an impressive event, too. No middle age, but a world after a total catastrophe.



Now in Berlin

Hello again after weeks of silence. I was very occupied with two things: living my normal life with my husband, my patients and courses in my institute, and on the other hand I had to organize my move to Berlin. I want to stay here for one year and travel to my home near Mannheim once a week for one day. It takes 5 hours with the train – if it is in time, and that is not so sure as I experienced yesterday when I came to Berlin with 40 minutes delay.

Is this the best time to realize my plans? The newspapers are full with news and comments about the refugees and since some weeks about the terror and the consequences in Paris. In times of great distress and insecurity would it be not the better way to reduce moving and stay at home in a comfortable and well-known surrounding? 

I decided to move and take it as a challenge. Let´s see what I can make out of it 

 : top or flop. I only have lived in big cities (Hamburg and Munich) during my studies in my early twenties. Now I will find out more than fourty years later what it means to live in one of the most attractive cities in the world.  
A new experience for me is the constructing and decorating of a „Knusperhaus“. An old habit in Germany before christmas. And once you have managed it you will „crunch“ from the house now and then.  

big changes experimental life

Help – I am drowning‘

One hour ago I wrote a similar post on „my website blogging 101 the commons“ . I fear this was not the right place, it disappeared.

I was telling in this „ghost“-post how earnest I take the daily assignements, and that I want to be clever and active, tough and always „au jour“. This is a task which I cannot fulfil, because there are a lot of seductions on my way, I think of other posts and other bloggers which cross my reading. How interesting are the different topics, how moving are the variety of matters and how touching is the overall wish to „reach out“ and join the community!

Then I had a kind of panic in thinking of spending every day three or more hours to read all the interesting „neighbours“ and therefore I made a decision: I have neighbours near by whom I see often, other neighbours are living at the end of the street or in other areas, and some friends are far away. The distance will decide how often I will meet them.

But now I will take my bicycle and go from one area in Berlin (Friedrichshain) through the whole city to another area (Charlottenburg) to buy the best „Sauerteigbrot“ (= bread of leaven) in town. We call these different areas „Kiez“.

Did I mention already that I take my blog as a kind of „verbal selfie“ and that I plan to move to Berlin in autumn for at least one year? I will write about this year, because it is a kind of experiment in self-knowlegde how it feels to live in a big city at the age of 70+,  how it will be to meet my husband only two days a week (my home is 5 ½ hours away to drive with the train) and how I will manage to create a small pool of interesting people with whom I can spend some free time and share interests.

Do you think my plans are crazy?