My one year adventure in Berlin arouses a lot of doubts which I never expected. When I was young I thought to be a calm and wise person in the age of 70. No doubts, no problems any more. Instead knowing what you want, having a clear and steady perception of the world and other people.
But now I learn that I am a person with stop and go, stop and go. How can I explain it?
My husband and I thought it would be a good idea (and maybe a little bit of an adventure) when we – each of us – in our age (70+) have more time for ourselves. The promise was to live more in the own rhythm. For example: I love to go to movies, but with him on my side I often do not realize my plans. Instead we are sitting together at home, watching tv. He loves documentary, especially about historical themes. I join him in this interest, but it was not what I originally planned to do. The difficulty for me is that the list with not-realizing-wishful-events becomes longer and longer. And as I have a good memory I do not forget this list.
As we are now living most of the week separated I do not feel prevented from my interests any more. These are the good news. But! I now have to struggle with the huge amount of possibilities here in Berlin. The Berlinale (one of the most popular filmfestivals in the world) starts on tuesday. A handful of interesting lectures in the IPU (International Psychoanalytical University) are in these days. A friend of mine from Jerusalem is coming for three days. I have to make a contact with a support-number for my computer. This is a great pressure, really. I hate to be dependant from these people who will help me with my problem. And I have a pressure to work on a project: I will discuss the film „People on Sunday“ in my cinema at home next autumn. (Billy Wilder´s debut as screenwriter, from 1930, one of the last silent movie). There is nothing spectacular in it, so it is a real challenge to write a good paper.
When I see what I have just written, it seems to me complaining on a high level. And I do not really understand which problem I have! Such a thick bunch of interesting possibilities!
And I have to add another project. I started to get a contact with students who work here in Berlin with refugees. I am choosen as a supervisor for their work. In the moment it is difficult to get the little group together and find an appropriate frame for the work.
I want to thank the bloggers who showed interest in my posts. Young people with a fresh spirit. I am in raptures (I have this expression from the dictionary, it sounds strange for my german ears.) about their attitude in writing.
And especially a big thank you to DaisyWillows who asked directly: is everything okay with you? I hope to be back really now, and that is your merit.